What's in the Mystery Box?

You're at a bar. You see a bitch. She looks little drunk. You're thinkin... 'is she worth the nut?', you pull out that line you've been saving for a desperate occasion and you're in.
The bar closes, you tell her the party is back at your house. You're at your house, the party is in your pants and it's not hard to get into. She's in your bed, your iTunes visualizer is on and you're playing your cheesy fuck mix; you're tongue is down her throat, she is biting your lower lip... too hard, but you don't care because your knee is rubbing her pussy like a Muay Thai kickboxer. She moans in your mouth (your signal to move your hand down there for a more tactical pussy rub). As the gaylord Dane Cook would say "you're scratching her record like a DJ."
You slip one finger in, she let's out a moan, you're hard cock throbs, but it feels a little strange.
There's some long strange bump. Does she have a 207th bone you don't know about? Is that a stalagtite? An elongated clitoris? A hidden switchblade dick? no this is something else... hmmm... "OH SHITTTTTT, YOU BITCH, YOU FUCKING BITCH! IT'S A MOTHERFUCKING TAMPON!!!"
Really what you say... "ahem, hehe, babe... baby are you on your period?",
Dumb Bitch: "Yeah so, did you think I was just gonna let you get in my pants?"
In your head: "Well bitch, do you think it's alright that you let me mistake your coagulated blood hemorrhaging axe wound, for a nice wet pussy?"
What You really say: "Hmm well do think you could maybe... S my D?
Dumb bitch: "Do you think I'm some kind of slut?"
In Your head: "Of course I do! you were gunna break my dry-spell and I wasn't gunna tell anyone about it."
What you really say: "Of course I don't, I took you home cuz you were the most wholesome girl at the bar."

What ends up happening:

Rip the tampon out and throw it so it sticks to your wall like ready-made pasta (next to all the other bloody trophies) and hit it in the shower like a boss.

Step 2:


Step 4


(steps 1 and 3 are too graphic for our subscribers)