The Island

Wanna fuck in the hot tub but all you got is water based lube?

Well it sounds to me like you're shit outta luck...

unless that is... you know about the island...

The Island: Technically speaking the island is consisted of your balls (the island) floating on top of the water and your dick (the tree on the island) hard as a diamond protruding from your ballsack as to create the illusion that your dick is in fact the sole tree growing from the sand on some remote desert island. Congratulations, your dick catches the fish out of water and your lubrication problems are solved as the rest of your body stays warm. (your dick should be warm too unless you're out witchfucking or slammin a bitch with an icebox)

Fuckin Redcoat Limey Bastards

What is it with British girls and their fuckin periods????

They're literally always on that shit bleedin 26 days a month and they are always DTF til they bleed to death.

If we put a tampon embargo on Britain, all the women would bleed to death and we could make the whole population gay within 50 years.

But all british guys are 1/4 gay anyway already so it would probly only take 3/4 as long.

37.66_ years til all brits are gay

start the countdown

LES vs. FAG

Lesbians are so much worse than gay guys because they fuck up the ratio for guys like me. They take girls out of the fuckpool.

Gay Guys are the best, I love them (no homo) no only are they totally hilarious to laugh at and make fun of, but they make the ratio for us Breeders way better. Less guys competing for our puss.

Lesbians STOP STEALING MY WOMEN!

I absolutely hate it when a gay guy has no style. Those faggots are absolutely atrocious. I like dick homing piranhas more than them. If the movie Philadelphia taught me anything, it's that I wish these people would get fucked with an Aids dick already.

I cannot stand to see one more Fashion Fag Pas, or I will commit a hate crime

What Is It About Them?

Pondering lesbianism has plagued my mind for years. Theres only one thing ur supposed to stick in that fucking hole of yours. I mean come the fuck on. I know theyve got those outrageous doodads that spin, whistle, vibrate, shock, and apparently make the pussy go apeshit. I think these girls need to wise up and just go with the meatstick.

Roomate #1's broke ass broke our broke ass staple gun. Therefore I required his presence on a nice little latenight walmart run. While purchasing pig's feet to feed to my other ogre roommate, I happen upon a full flavored goth hottie who I'd love to teach a lesson. Naturally my game is tight and her cooking skills must be impecable b/c she suggests a flawless method to disguising the swine and make it appear appetizing. I cant stop looking at her pretty teeth and get her didges. soon after long story short she lets me know shes homo

My new life goal is to bury my cock into as many homo hatchet wounds and convert the wrong to the right. I'l call her in a few days and make her see the bright side to being a normal human.

But Her Face...

I really reaaalllly absolutely do not give a fuck what a girl looks like from the front.

Reverse cowgirl is my favorite position of all time and my 2nd favorite is doggystyle, so when I see a really hot girl on the street wearing white pants and it is apparent that her ass is phenomenal and her hair is great or she has some kinda dress or skirt jumpoff on and her legs are perfect and then you run up to spit game to her and her face looks like someone hit it with a meat tenderizer, I don't let myself get that heart dropping feeling you get on a roller coaster, I just treat her worse and she likes me better for it and I fuck the ugly out of her face then make love to her backside.

Butter Faces are A-OKAY

Why Won't She "S" the "D"?

You might think she's a selfish bitch cuz she won't suck your dick, but she's actually a really sweet girl, it's just that she has... well she has... she has fuckin HERPES alright!!!

at least she's nice enough to not pass the hot potato around

"I'm too tired"

"I hate doing that"

na bitch you got herpitis

Fact: 99.99% of women absolutely adore sucking cock and swallowing baby batter (the 0.01% have hairlips and you don't want head from a hairlipian, trust me)

So as Bobby McFerrin would say "Don't Worry Be Happy."

I'm So Over Kissing

Let's face it, making out is about the most emo thing one can do besides crying, cutting ones' self, playing acoustic guitar, or getting a lip ring and wearing eye-liner.

Kissing in public is especially bad, everyone stares at you and you can get mono from it.

Just go straight to the A.

If you wanna avoid kissing some fattie you just want head from (you know they give the best head cuz they think it's a feeding tube and they want the cream filling), all you gotta do is say, sorry I can't I'll lose my concentration.

They understand. They're Fat.