BITCHES EAT JIIIZZZ part deux

If you suck a dick it could save your tits

The AP is reporting; Women who perform the act of fellatio and swallow semen on a regular basis, one to two times a week, may reduce their risk of breast cancer by up to 40 percent, a North Carolina State University study found.

Now advert your eyes to the photo above, notice how genius that bitch is on the right, she ain't wasting shit and she obviously hates cancer and knows whats good for her... that other ones gonna lose her tits and look like a homeless grandma in about 5 years... Moral of the story: get off your fat asses, chug some dick, and for the sake of your lopsided pig tits, stop cum dodging

I'm Worried About Your Fingering Skills

Get some grape-seed oil and make the heavy metal sign in her puss.

The Bearded Clam-Burglar

You know the feeling of being robbed? Thats how you feel after having sex with the Clam-Burglar

Face Fucking

I give a bitch down-syndrome when I fuck her face.  If there's no puke on your balls you ain't doin it right.  And don't worry that string stuck on your dick at the end of her night is just her tonsils.  She won't miss them.

How They Wake Up

Imagine for a minute that last night you and your boys ran train and clowned on some hoes, straight up mutted em out, maybe got it on video, maybe you came on your hand and rubbed it in their hair... now if you're us you don't have to imagine, but for the moment just imagine.  Now I want you to think about how we wake up and how they wake up.  They wake up feeling violated, used, low self-esteem, the works. We wake up refreshed, energized, confident, happy, content, laughing all the way into the night, repeating quotes from the night like "spread em bitch spread em" or "take me out of balls city" watching the video, putting shit in slow-motion, cheering, and hi-fiving. Good clown sesh boys, wash, rinse, repeat.

If You Don't Like the Backstreet Boys...

Get a fuckin AIDS test!  Nothing makes you feel better than bumping "everybody" loud as shit on a nice day with some bitches in the car screaming the lyrics.  So don't hate and try to act cool and call me gay.  Seriously, don't call me gay. I mean it.  It's fun for me to say about you, but it's not cool if you call me that.

Gay Son or Dyke Daughter?

Dyke Daughter - count it!

Never Say "Heads Up"

Do not under any circumstances save a girl from a flying ball... ever.  If she is hot, let the ball hit her in the nose and make her bleed, then blame it on your friend, console her, bang her... rinse wash repeat.  If she is ugly, let the ball hit her, laugh, then get all your friends to laugh, then scream at her for getting ugly people blood on your ball

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Acid is Healthy

Many of us postpone going to the doctor, thinking the problem will whisk itself away, and it usually does, cuz if you have a shitty immune system you're not a real man; however those of us who take acid semi-regularly don't like to have something wrong with us when we trip, we don't want a stuffy nose, pain in our left nut, chest pain, or any other chronic pain or discomfort.  We make sure we go to the doctor at least 3 days before any planned trip and occasionally we find that those regular migraines are actually caused by horrific brain cancer and we save our own lives a bunch.

  

Just The Tip... cuz bitches are retarded

Listen Dummy, I said let's fuck, and I was gunna put on a condom, but nooooooo you wouldn't fuck, so I tried a different approach, "how bout just the tip" (you dumb bitch thats the only part that counts anyway) so I stuck the tip in no rubber, and now you probably have something, god you are a fucking idiot, kill yourself, or just wait for my HPV to kill you slowly but surely.

The Clamburgler Strikes Again

Last Seen at K's Swooping Bedwetters bitch

have the drugs kicked in yet

it just hit. make moves. how to get rid of a creeper

Clown On Hoes 101

How do I clown on hoes? What defines loose? Don't worry these questions will be answered.

Start by picking up girls from passover dinner... yes passover dinner at the rabbi's. This is prime time fine real estate for finding those jewish dick suckers who are down to treat passover like thanksgiving... thats right extra stuffing.  

(I'm still on LSD so it's hard for me type, plus im high cause its 420, and i haven't been sober in 4 days) Back to dick sucking cum receptacles: Her pussy stank like gefilta fish so I had to fuck her in the shower. 

Pay close attention, to an insightful lesson on how to run a proper Shower-Suck-n-Fuck. After putting my moderately expensive WaterPik shower head on pussy pulse mode, I placed it between my legs, spraying the girls twat, intern giving the girl pleasure out of sucking your blood sausage. 

After getting my nut on. I walk out of my other bathroom door... I have two... you're poor cause you only have one; to find my friend dressed like a psychedelic Wheres Waldo fucking the shit out of some girl, while the clowned on hoe says: "i needed this i needed this" and I'm screaming: "finish her! finish her!" He is fucking unnecessarily hard in order to exude his male bravado upon me, though I am unfazed, because his girl is a two. Before long he has cum... in his hand? Why did he cum in his hand? that was stupid. That violates one of the key rules of clowning: Spilling the seed... somewhere else besides her eyes, nose, neck. But wait.. he is an experienced clown. This fine puss predator covertly moves into attack formation, complementing the bitch on her hair, he then begins rubbing the girls hair and face, coating it with an uneven layer of viscous cock sauce. Almost instantly she notices, but is too late. She has been clowned on by none other than the ClamBurglar, the master thief of what every self respecting girl prides herself on... her dignity. Say bye to that one for a long time bitch.      

go next door friend has pissed himself on the couch then after he leaves i am held down against my will by two massive twins shoving hawaiin lsd down my mouth while im soaking up my other friends urine with my white linen button down... urine which might i addd is so polluted with drugs it probably fucked me up worse than the acid, come back to my house and a man who has never taken acid is getting his dick sucked by some girl and demands a hit of acid. cut to right now my friend walks in with shirt that says We cant stop here its bat country, cut to bed wetter coming in saying raise your hand if you pissed yourself instead of getting laid. cut back to waldo holding his slimey baby ooze and rubbing in the girls face who had just gotten herself double dose of serious stuffing.  cut to my earning his new nickname 'THE PUSSBUGLAR' "you know when you get robbed, thats kinda whata girl feels like after she's done fuckin the pussy buglar". Bed wetter: "yo i got 2 grams of molly" pussbuglar: "lets do it" bedwetter: "no shit, i didnt know the pussbuglar was retarded". If your form of clowing on a hoe is involving with you music " Glass in his foot is standard  HE BLEW TWO LINES OF KEEF, 2 lines of pure concentrated keef he paid for it two Keefer Southerland: Yo i couldnt talk to that girl i was all congested from the keef. Moderation... what is modertation? just cause your fucking nose is available doesnt mean you have to snort everything. "what...? fuck you".

International Sex

If you're fucking in Europe or South America, and you're banging her in the bathroom, you absolutely must bend her over the bidet and turn on the water in her face on full blast, otherwise you're just not a real man.

3P

Also known as getting "airtight" when every hole is filled, the guys in the pussy and ass get to share a unique bonding experience, your balls do the hi-fiving for you.

It's Not Rape If...

The girl is wearing funny clothing, if you leave your house dressed like a pirate hooker, you will be treated like one.

She's sleeping.

It's just "hot dogging" (rubbing your cock through her buns til you cum).

She doesn't remember.

You jerk it on to a bitch.

You use her tears as lube.

She secretly wants it.

She has no legs.

You make her cum somehow.

You put her panties to the side and leave the rest of her clothes on.

How to Sound Official

All you gotta do is say "I saw it on Bill Nye" no one will ever question you. EVER.

Protect Against HPV

Don't shave your pubes, when you have no pubes your HPV shield is down, they're your only defense, don't go past setting 5 on your electric*

*This does not apply to girls, get that shit lasered.

How to Sober Up in a Dire Situation

If you really need to sober up and it's a life or death situation... flip your car, nothing sobers you up like a good car flipping, I got so sober after flipping car the cops didn't even think I was drunk.

...or just do a bunch of coke, thats probly easier.

Kegel Muscles

Either learn how to flex them or just give me blow job, I'm sick and tired of girls that don't know how to contract their pussy muscles, it's the same muscle you stop your steamy piss stream with so fuckin figure it out, learn how to fuck bitch!

How Dumb is your Cum?

Well that's your fuckin problem, mine is smart as shit, I fuck mad puss raw w/o B.C. and at least my spermites know how to turn around once they reach the egg of a whore, cuz they encounter so many different species of dead sperm, they're like fuck that and they swim back into my balls, so I don't have to wait at all for round 2 and I never make stupid cum dumpsters pregnant, get your sperm to read a book dumb muthafucka.

Cum Dumping

Don't waste your seed with some anti-climactic  cum shot. Be a pioneer. Cum on the girl where no other man has cum before. By this I mean literally tell a girl that you own the hotel she is staying in. Then while the superficial, money hungry, slutbag is tonguing your asshole searching for gold,  explode your ball temperature jizz missiles into her nose and eye as you sit on her face. 

I Live in LA

Rules of the Train

1. You must be hard, no rollin up to a train with your accordion smush-cock.

2. The only acceptable male contact are high fives, pounds, eiffel towers, and leaning towers of pisa; there is to be no crossing of swords and no sneaky fingers, cuz that would be gay.

3. No bogarting (puppy guarding) the mouth.

4. If the girl doesn't cum after at least 2 dicks, you don't know how to fuck.

5. First person on the train has to make her comfortable and make her want it, so the 2nd, 3rd, 4th, 5th, and 6th don't have to do anything but whip it out.

6. Flawless playlist on at all times, can't have any cheesy rap like "back that ass up "or village people to ruin your boner and make it awkward.

7. Sunglasses and crazy hats must be worn at all times. (these guys below fucked up)