FLAG DAY

Get ready muthafuckas June 14th is approaching. FLAG DAY is the biggest holiday ever, regular Flag Day is bigger than the fuckin Tricentennial will be in 68 years!

FLAG DAY = St. Paddy's Day(Christmas x Hannukah/Kwanzaa)+Your Birthday^ Chinese New Year x 6

So start savin up, you must spend at least $150 and buy the most retarded shit. It is a rule that you must orgasm four times and throw up black bile.

Are you FUCKIN AMPED YET??????

well if ur not get an aids test

Variety

Every guy and every girl knows that we men like variety. Now this doesn't just mean fucking different girls every night except for the fact that it actually really does; but it also means that if you wanna get fucked up to four nights a week and thus achieve "Main Squeeze" status you must change it up.

This means changing up the pussy-doo sometimes we like landing strips for aesthetics and bare puss for feel. So don't do one or the other switch it up.

Change your hair color (to blond).

Get Bigger Tits, then shrink 'em again then get 'em bigger again.

SHEBONICS

First I gotta give a shout out to Big L, rest in peace/
Now if you got HPV you got the bitch disease/
If you got lopsided pig tits then you need a lift/
If you bang a skinny girl you're on the graveyard shift/
Ya pussy-doo is how ya shave ya pubes/
Wack guys are referred to as herbs and nubes/
Gettin loose is the only way that we get down/
Degradin girls while rockin masks and hats is the clown/
Good to go means the schemes a success/
A clinger is a female pest/
Poopdick legit means you fucked her colon/
If something's free 99 that means that its stolen/
No emo means no drama/
If ya period lasts only 2 days its a comma/

When to Surrender

If you are in college it is implied that you fuck on the first night.

Those that don't are usually given a second chance, but if by the third time you haven't at least been jerked to the point of eruption somewhere other than inside of your own pants... you must SURRENDER THE PUSS to some other poor bastard.

Make out 3 times? throw her the peace sign.

Some of you may be saying "what if she's a date rape victim and it's hard for her?"

Well that's probly why she got fuckin date raped in the first place.

no intercourse, no remorse.

BITCH LAW

GIRLS ARE OFFICIALLY NOT ALLOWED TO SAY THE WORD "DUDE." ITS WILDLY UNATTRACTIVE AND MAKES ME GROW A BONER INVERSELY INTO MY BODY. YOUR NOT A SURFER AND IT DOESNT MAKE YOU SOUND COOL, IT MAKES YOU SOUND LIKE THE SMELLY PIECE OF FISH CUNT YOU PROBABLY ARE. PLEASE STOP. THANKS. BITCH.

and if you refuse may your shitty sounding use of dumb surfer vernacular conclude in your arm winding up like that bitches in the picture... have fun flicking your bean without your dominant hand... dude

WOULD YOU OR WOULD YOU NOT FUCK THAT

Ok so ive been pondering this queery for quite some time now. Would i protrude dakota fannings slime tunnel with my buff cock. Some people find her cute and innocent, others find her to be a great actress, I however find her to have one sole purpose on this planet. That sole purpose is to be the ugliest fucking cunt slut in the entire world, cuz hey theres gotta be one. Lets start with her stupid shit face. It looks like her mom hired a MACK truck to be her orthodontist and if the "hey i just ran full speed into a wall" look is what they are going for, then they accomplished this goal. Lets move on to her shitty underdevloped body. Some would say "but hey! shes only 15" or however old that piece of shit is. Well i would say in reponse to that, "explain why thats a fucking excuse to have those shitty mesquito bite tits and what im sure to be a beef drapped cunt." I love 15 year olds, there one of the few things that give me peace of mind and serenity in this world, however this 15 year old can die a slow death cuz i would love nothing more then to douse her in fuel and burn her while jerking my dick. Writing this while looking at the horrific image is really starting to piss me off, so ill end on the note that if i were locked in a room with dakota fanning I would use barbed wire for a condom (one of the few occasions condoms are condoned) and i would fuck her in the eye. Goodnight and god bless.

WHEN ITS PROPER TO KILL YOUR BABY

WHEN YOU HAVE IT WITH A MINORITY
WHEN ITS RETARDED
WHEN ITS GAY (THIS WILL TAKE A FEW YEARS TO FIGURE OUT SO GET READY FOR THE FAGGOT WAITING GAME)
WHEN ITS A COMBINATION OF THE THREE

or when your going green


and dont get all emo about it... toss that shit in a fucking trash can and go about your business... herb

THANK'S BLUE BALLS

I don't know who created the term 'Blue Balls', probably Benjamin Franklin because he was the best inventor ever.

For some magical reason this two word combination can make even the cockteasiest of bitches say, "well i guess I have to suck your cock". When used correctly it is the 'Open Sesame' of 'Peelin Pussy'.

I really don't even think blue balls exist. If you've gotten blue balls your probably a faggot. For many reasons.
1. You didn't get the girl to suck your dick by telling her you'd get terrible blue balls unless she did.
2. You didn't jerk off on her when she fell asleep.
3. You stopped jerking off just cause your mom came in the room.

Don't Hook Up With Her If...

She's got an Adam's apple.

Her pussy smells like she's been douching with oysters.

You can't fit your arms all the way around her and touch finger tips.

She's poor.

She's got meth scars. (those two actually go hand in hand - if you're poor you got meth scars and if you got meth scars you're poor).

Her breath smells worse than her seafood left in the sun pussy.

She has really evil eyes.

She has a bad ass snaggle tooth.

If that shit on her lip, got some shit on its lip

Clowning Rules

Must have your personalized clownfit on (ie: chef's hat and apron, zorro mask, african face paint, surgeon's mask, pharoah hat etc...)

Can't clown solo.

No props for clowning on your own girlfriend (you shouldn't have one anyway fag!).

Extra points if the girls are sober.

You must quote these guys: http://dickscab.com/ - go to nutinass at the top and click the first video

Hate White Sharks

I'm over girls that have more than one row of teeth. My dick is not a document exposing your insider trading so get your fuckin paper shredders away from there. If you're gunna act like Jaws at least put on the theme music when you blow me so I can get the adrenaline rush too instead of just the battle scars.

Why Don't I tell you to stop you say?

Cuz I'm gunna cum in your eyes to teach you a lesson. I'll sacrifice my dick for a week so you stop giving head permanently.

What's in the Mystery Box?

You're at a bar. You see a bitch. She looks little drunk. You're thinkin... 'is she worth the nut?', you pull out that line you've been saving for a desperate occasion and you're in.
The bar closes, you tell her the party is back at your house. You're at your house, the party is in your pants and it's not hard to get into. She's in your bed, your iTunes visualizer is on and you're playing your cheesy fuck mix; you're tongue is down her throat, she is biting your lower lip... too hard, but you don't care because your knee is rubbing her pussy like a Muay Thai kickboxer. She moans in your mouth (your signal to move your hand down there for a more tactical pussy rub). As the gaylord Dane Cook would say "you're scratching her record like a DJ."
You slip one finger in, she let's out a moan, you're hard cock throbs, but it feels a little strange.
There's some long strange bump. Does she have a 207th bone you don't know about? Is that a stalagtite? An elongated clitoris? A hidden switchblade dick? no this is something else... hmmm... "OH SHITTTTTT, YOU BITCH, YOU FUCKING BITCH! IT'S A MOTHERFUCKING TAMPON!!!"
Really what you say... "ahem, hehe, babe... baby are you on your period?",
Dumb Bitch: "Yeah so, did you think I was just gonna let you get in my pants?"
In your head: "Well bitch, do you think it's alright that you let me mistake your coagulated blood hemorrhaging axe wound, for a nice wet pussy?"
What You really say: "Hmm well do think you could maybe... S my D?
Dumb bitch: "Do you think I'm some kind of slut?"
In Your head: "Of course I do! you were gunna break my dry-spell and I wasn't gunna tell anyone about it."
What you really say: "Of course I don't, I took you home cuz you were the most wholesome girl at the bar."

What ends up happening:

Rip the tampon out and throw it so it sticks to your wall like ready-made pasta (next to all the other bloody trophies) and hit it in the shower like a boss.

Step 2:


Step 4


(steps 1 and 3 are too graphic for our subscribers)

Ass Eaters Anonymous

Have you ever waited for a drunk slut to be almost completly incoherent and immobile that youve told yourself it was a good idea to sit on her face and grind your ass into her stupid bitch mouth while you yerked your cock...no?... fags

Fresh Piece of the Day Award

..... BRILLIANT

Birth Control.

Just take the pill and get the weird fuckin horse-shoe shit outta ur pussy, its freakin me out.

My boy was fuckin this bitch and pulled his cock out and there was a plastic puss-slime covered horse shoe on his junk...WTF??? is takin a pill and makin ur titties bigger that hard of a task?

You think God doesn't condone abortions, yet you'd put a horse-shoe in your axewound? awkward

---at least get the patch if ur lazy, i'd rather think ur quitting smoking than putting weird chemical rings in ur snatch.

When to rock condoms.

If the girl really wants you to fuck her raw, don't.

If you're feeling extra emo, wear one, cuz condoms are emo.

When you're really high and paranoid.

If she's over 25 (she's had way more time to get a STD* this rule does not apply to your friends mom).

-------When not to wear them:

When you're going green* -see going green post.

When you're drunk. (can't feel shit, better to throw your nuts on a craps game then not nut at all)

When you're rolling (E or molly increases serotonin, which increases feeling and decreases one's desire to rock a rubber).

When you wanna try out ass to mouth.

You're not a real man unless...

You've parted the red sea like moses (fucked a girl on her period).


You've fit three fingers in successfully and tried for a fourth and the girl said "what the fuck are you doing?"

You've paid for a rub n' tug.

You've eiffel towered or leaning tower of piza'd.

You've butterscotched your friends.

You've made a girl suck her own pussy juice cocktail off your fingers.

You've double tapped

You've double tapped: fucking the first girl in the ass, and getting head from the second; ergo going ass to mouth.

You've performed the Jersey Meathook, while saying in Scorpion Voice: "GET OVER HERE!!!"

Never Say These Words to a Girl

Baby, I'm sorry!

I didn't mean for that to happen.

Please Forgive Me.

How can I make it up to you?

Are you okay?

--------Don't lie to yourself, you are not sorry you just don't want her to stop fuckin you, and you did mean for that to happen, you just didn't mean for her to find out.

Stay strong brothers in arms, never give in and say you're sorry, cuz then they have you by the balls. Worst come to worst, upgrade. I haven't said sorry to a girl since '05, I will never relapse, ever.







see how much of an emo-whipped-fag you look like?
just kill yourself.