AWKWARD IN BED

You know those girls that are just really awkward in bed?

cuz I do

I fucked one last night.

It didn't end well.

You get what you pay for...

She was free.

How I Should've salvaged it - 'face down ass up that's the way we like to fuck'

What I did wrong - my drunk ass made her ride me

How I made up for it - I came on her face and made her feel really awkward

How I could've sweetened the deal and made it even funnier - put a finger in her ass and make her say 'what are you doing?'

Complexion Lesson

There are so many of you girls out there that are so good from far away but so far away from good.
Your T is good, Your A is good, Your F looks like there was a FF on it and you tried to put it out with a SD (your face looks like there was a forest fire on it and you tried to put it out with a screwdriver)
Get some proactive, some neutrogena, or better yet a heat gun to melt those puss-ey craters off your moonface.

Jizz is good for your skin so just get bukkakked and call me in a week.

COMING SOON!!!!!!!

ventonwierdosonsteroids/crackedouthookersonsmack.blogsot

Misconceptions of Misogyny

Just because I use words like bitch, cunt, slut, whore-bag, cunt de quinté, twatsicle, meat wallet, wizard sleeve, slime tunnel and filthy syphilitic germ hole, and telling you you need belong cuntanomo bay, doesn't mean that I hate women. I love bitches! I LOVE BITCHES!

but if you want me to stop being a misogynist, then STOP SUCKING MY DICK ALL THE TIME!

Peaches en Gentalia

Sex has been around for like 500 years. Ever since the Renaissance, human beings have been having sexual intercourse with each other. So after all this copulation, mutual masturbation, kama sutra, butt play, german schizer porn, heatherideepthroat, Sting repping tantric sex, cum snorting, cum farting, "simulated" rape, and Madonna repping Kabala - - WHY AFTER THIS DO GIRLS STILL THINK THEY CAN SUCK MY BALLS LIKE A MALT STRAW?

DO NOT APPLY SUCTION! THERE'S A REASON THE JAPANESE NEVER FUCK OCTOPI IN THEIR WEIRD ASS SEA CUCUMBER PORN!

Girls and How to (man)Handle Them

When a girl challenges you mentally, challenge her physically.

If a girl is mentally challenged, abuse her sexually.

Widely Unknown Sex Regulations

We all know how in Colorado there is the 16 and 6 statute, which illustrates that it is legal for a man to have sex with a 16 year old girl as long as he is no more than 6 years her senior, but did you know that it technically doesn't count as rape if it's in the morning?

THAT'S RIGHT LADIES AND GENTLEMAN

It is perfectly legal to forcibly penetrate a member of the opposite sex if it is between 7:30 and 11:30am.
If it's 11:26 you better cum quick!

Also, in the state of Florida, if you are wearing a condom, it is illegal to cum in the reservoir tip. You mustn't waste your lively sperm in some rubbery grave, you are bound by law to cum somewhere on your partner's body.

In Germany, whilst fucking a female, one must German boss his partner. This is when the man takes his thumb and "corks" the woman's anus whilst keeping his other fingers straight and twisting left and right. Also known as the windshield wiper, Gorilla Grip, and the Siskel and Ebert.

I'll research some more strange fun fact fuck laws and get back to y'all.

The Myth of the Tantric Condom

Tired of using condoms?
Scared of STDs?
Spend the next decade learning tantric sex!

Learn to harness the magic ancient Indian (dot, not feather) art of giving her more pleasure and all that other useless crap, but at the sametime you can harness your own chi power to prevent STDs with the mythical CHI CONDOM.

It's a forcefield of energy around your cock, you can't see it, or feel it, but trust us, it's there, and you're safe from AIDS.

Also, as a sidenote, if you don't wanna do all that fruitless labor, hate condoms, are only worried about herpes, and you want results quick: Use Herpe cream as lube and pop a valtrex before sex.

Trust us, it will work, which is why we offer a herpes back guarantee.

Periods Speak Louder Than Words

I finally figured out why you stop having sex with me and give me "the talk" every so often. Ya I know you want something more than I do out of this and I try to be understanding, but let's be honest bitch, you only give me these talks when I'm not relentlessly stuffing you like a chilè relleño. AND THE ONLY TIME YOU GIVE ME SHIT IS WHEN COAGULATED BLOOD IS SEEPING OUT OF YOUR SAUSAGE SLIT.



Bitches don't get emo on their periods cuz of PMS, they get emo cuz they can't get fucked and when bitches aren't getting fucked all they can do is get emo.

Anatomy of a guy's cock (no homo)

There is officially no clitoris or g-spot on the inside of my dick.

SO STOP TRYING TO TONGUE-FUCK MY PEE-HOLE and FINGERBANG my urethra, ya god damn bitch

Mono - The 8th Grade STD

Let's face it, 90% of you sickos that had mono in 8th grade have some gnarly shit growin on ur genitalia nowadays.