Go Green Part Trois

Go green, don't waste tissues, snot rocket your coke boogers

Syringes contain plenty of environmentally hazardous materials, so lets use less of them, share your needles, go green.

Tampon Litmus Test

The next time you pull a girl's tampon out and put it in your friends fish tank, wait a week before you take it out.
If the fish lives for a week, then you don't have an STD.

My Plan B is your Plan A

Hey stupid, yes I am talking to you. You are the girl who refuses to take the pill but eats Plan B like its candy. Why? because the football player you fucked wore a condom but took it off to cum on your face? Your excuse? The pill reduces my chances of becoming pregnant. The amount of times you've taken plan B has made your ovaries look like my nuts, shrivled and hanging out of your pussy and not blending in with your beef curtains. Retarded bitch. This is a real breed of girls, closely related to the 'I'm saving it for marriage, so fuck my ass' girls.

Chili Flakes

My dick is not a piece of pizza so do not treat it as such, I am issuing a cease and desist order on you bitches that think they can just sprinkle red chili-pepper flakes on my cock like you would a NY slice, this is unacceptable and once this reform has been made I will demand further reform into the unpizzafying of my dick, I don't have any herperroni so keep ur parmesan discharge away from me

Are You Not Entertained?!?!?

When performing the risky roman helmet, it is absolutely imperative that you mutter out Gladiator, 300, and Troy quotes, such as "Are you not entertained?" "Tonight we die in Hell!" and "That's why no one will remember your name!"

Roman Helmet:
While she is passed out (or awake), gently and inconspicuously place your fleshy bag on their forehead while carefully laying down your dudemeat down the bridge of her nose in parallel fashion

ill try to get you guys a picture tonight, gotta remember to take my camera out

Can't Have Your Cunt and Eat it Too!

Anecdote time...

I was hooking up with a girl and tried to go down on her... her pussy smelled so retardedly bad, (ya like a retarded bitches pussy smells) that I gagged and pushed her off of me. I still really wanted to bust that nut so I tried smelling my fingers to see if there was possibly some kind of discrepancy, but to no avail. I almost threw up on her, and I know for a fact that if I never tried to go down on her I would've fucked her rotten pussy rotten, which proves you literally can't have your cunt and eat it too, just beat the guts up right and you don't have to puke your guts tonight.

Sincerely
one of the guys that writes this shit

That Deaf, Dumb and Blind Girl Sure Plays a Mean Chin-Ball

Going Green Part Deux

So we've already covered how condoms are detrimental to the environment and devastating to our ecosystem.
Now we must venture further into this so called "green" discussion.
If you love your planet and I mean truly LOVE your planet, be humane to our home; we only have one EARTH so respect it...
RECYCLE: SHARE YOUR GIRLS

The Myth of the Cave Pussy

I'll stop hysterically laughing if you stop queefing you weird bitch, that shit ain't no myth, I just found like four new layers.
Your pussy feels like lasagna, everytime I get through a layer of beef there's more weird flat noodle shit

I get two fingers in and I'm like alright that's a pussy and then I push them another knuckle and what do I find?
One of those blind salamanders straight outta "Planet Earth" swimming in your cavernous slime tunnel.

I'm not saying your vagina is loose, but I am saying you need a dreidel cock to satisfy your abnormal insides
I'd have to stir my dick like an egg beater to beat your eggs right
... but I'm ready and willing to go spelunking among your stalactites if you promise not to care when I don't ever call you again or make you cum in the first place

Deal?

k let's pretend you had a choice in the first place

The Notebook

Simply and Plainly if you've watched The Notebook with a girl, and you didn't put it on pause to fuck...

YOU my friend ARE A HERB

Mad Cow Disease

Have you ever gone down on a girl and she has a grotesque vagina?

Well I certainly have.

Does her sandwich have too much roast beef and not enough bread?

Are her pastrami drapes bigger than your tongue?

Can her beef curtains open up a Broadway musical?

If the answer to these questions is yes, call a mulligan and abort.

If you don't, her beefy pussy could give you mad cow disease.