The Decline of The Rave Culture

The decline of the rave culture has truly become apparent to me tonight. 14 year old girls dressed like demented prostitutes, whom have undoubtedly told their parents they are sleeping at a friends house. These underdeveloped teenage girls, have a higher tolerance for ecstasy then my friends and I combined; their counterparts? Way too old be at a teen club, sweaty, smelly, sexual predator looking pieces of shit. They walk shirtless, sporting ugly tattoos, awkward piercings, only to be topped off with atrocious haircuts. As if their hair isn't ugly enough, they fill it with as much gel as will absorb into their hair, until it melts down their face as they dance looking like hypnotized rats. By the end of the night, this collective pile of trash is as faded out as the glow sticks they carry. The pacifiers in the their mouthes to stop them from grinding their teeth, makes the irony of it all so blatantly apparent. Ravers are regressing to their early sugar crazed childhood, instead of ingesting large amounts of candy, they take drugs. Ravers today are truly the parasites of partying, which is allowed to spread and manifest through Myspace.

Solution: Create raves with a little more class. Hire a good DJ who isn't just looping incredibly cacophonous beats through his iPod. Don't let gross people in. 18 and older. No myspace. A decent ventilation system so it doesn't smell like anal sex; good drugs, good people, good music, what could be more fun?

I'm Over M.I.L.F.'s

Older women are great in theory, but creepy in practice. While it is definitely true that a woman's sexual peak is in her 30's and a man's is around 18-20, this does not mean that one should try to capitalize on this anomaly. There is a reason that 50 year old guys go for 22yr old women and not 37yr olds. 22yr old women havent had time to go bat shit nuts yet. They don't get creepily overly obsessive and desperate about their biological clocks, they don't have saggy titties and floppy steak sheets hanging out of their fuck holes. Older women should be treated as a onetime novelty and nothing more. Spare yourself of the nauseating pussy flapjack eating at 10am, fuck girls under 34 for life.

The Deep South

There's just something about these women I don't understand. Apparently there's a new fashion cooking up in the steaming hot pussies down here. Toothless women aren't good looking, but insist on wearing clothing suitable only for the fuckable. You should be dressing in pirate's attire, not one of your many daughters' mini skirts and hannah montana t's. What's really mind boggling is the dude your with doesn't seem to mind. Hopefully your pussy's as tight as that fleshy hole in your face where your teeth used to be...Let's get real though...it's probably like throwing hot dogs down a hallway after your sextuplets..and you're not even mormon! Get dentures.

I Never Cheated On You

No really I never cheated, you see it's not really cheating if...

You don't cum.

The girl is a race you've never fucked before.

She never finds out.

You used a condom.

You jerk it onto a sleeping girl.

She swallows the evidence.

You double tapped, therefore cancelling it out.

You last less then 30 seconds.

10 Things to Say to a Girl You Never Wanna Fuck Again

10. I've had better... earlier today.
9. Do you always have to queef like that?
8. Thanks, now I know what its like to throw a hot dog down a hallway.
7. You need a breast augmentation and a faceotomy.
6. Go get your own fucking plan B, it's not my vagina.
5. I just made a new website, it's called overyou.com
4. You suck dick at sucking dick.
3. I don't know what smells worse, your breath or your pussy.
2. For the whore you are, I really think you'd know how to flex your kegel muscles by now.

And the number one thing to say to a girl you never wanna have sex with again, at the end of your conversation say

#1. "P.S. get tested"